thank you :)

July 1, 2015 § 1 Comment

I’m finally done with my oral qualifying exam.  If anything, it has been an extremely humbling experience.  I was in a sombre mood for an extended time, especially when my exam was nearing.  I broke into tears every few days, and thank God for my Dad who listened to all my fears, calmed me down in between sobbing long distance calls and helped me remember what was important.  Though everyone thought I’d do well anyway because (and I am deeply humbled by this thought) they think it’s easy for me to do well in academics, I knew myself the best.  And knowing myself the best, I was beyond unprepared.  PhD has nothing at all to do with intelligence.  And I am not even intelligent.  It’s all just plain hard work, just like what every other person has to do in their own occupation.  I own up to all the laziness, negligence, doubt and escapism that I allowed to settle in with me at times.  But thank God I didn’t stop trying.  I just couldn’t dare do that and waste my mom’s dream and this opportunity.  People say you shouldn’t fulfill your parent’s dreams and I’ve been in denial of that fact up until I sank into a state of panic.  But I’ve finally owned up to the fact that me finishing a PhD is in fact my mom’s dream.  It wasn’t mine and it isn’t mine.  And for that, I will damn finish this and not let that dream die.  On so many days, I silently wished my mom was here to comfort me and tell me I can do it.  What overwhelmed me was on the night before my exam, God sent my friends to let me know I can do it.  And at that moment, I knew I wasn’t alone.  Thank you guys, you know who you are. :) I really appreciated it. :)

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I drew my biggest inspiration from this child I don’t even personally know.  This is just a reminder that no matter how small or big the task you’re doing is, don’t ever give up because you never know who you’re inspiring.  (you got that right, crabby ;))

See you soon, home! :)

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§ One Response to thank you :)

  • Cory Tankeh-Kok says:

    Whatever you do we are always proud of you- not just your accomplishments, but the way you tackle life as you go along. The answer is always deep within you if you listen very hard. I know it is easy to say that sometimes. That picture says it all. Grit and determination.

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